I often think about how my life would have been had I carried to term, my fourth child. I often think how my life would have been if I had of terminated my other pregnancies and the thought is unbearable. Because I love my children.
My decision wasn't easy, it was made harder by the fact that I knew I was, and could be, a great mum. But I was a tired single mum. I was unsupported physically and financially and the thought of adding another child, another set of complex needs to my life was too much to bear. I grieved my decision then and I grieve it now. I think of my daughter and I know she would have made a beautiful big sister. In quiet, private moments I think about an afterlife and I wonder if that child will meet me there?